I Came Crawling Back

In all honesty, Iv'e become a little manic lately. He knows it, the kids know it, my sil knows it. I start to sundown around five every day. It's great. At least I still see it, right?

I came crawling back to him via phone yesterday. For the first time in a very long time. I told him that I couldn't fix myself and begged him to help me, told him that I didn't know if I could make it back from the fucking edge, and I thought I really was broken. Professed my undying love and devotion, told him that I'd die without him becuase he was my fucking world, I sleep with his shirts, and please just make it all okay before I'm dead inside, and did everything short of begging him to come home.

He went and fucked her instead. And he'll probably do it again tonight. I said I was moving to the guest bedroom. He tells me she still loves me, that I'm pushing him away and building walls, that I said I'd always be there for him and I'm not.

I don't know how to be okay anymore. I'm in too many pieces to pick up at this point. I don't even try anymore, I just look at them and think, "huh, there goes another one".